


The Picani Sessions

by VillainVogue



Series: For The Record [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Is On The Aromantic Spectrum, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VillainVogue/pseuds/VillainVogue
Summary: Dr. Emile Picani has a lot of years of training and experience as a therapist. He's seen a lot of things most people would consider unusual. He's very good at his job.Nothing could've prepared him for any of this.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Series: For The Record [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842607
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	1. Patient #8069, Session 3

**Author's Note:**

> I LIVE!!!!!! There was a lot of difficulty getting this first chapter up, mostly due to IRL happenings keeping me busy and then technical issues (I have learned the hard way to keep backups of my writing, but sometimes I need to be reminded of that lesson, apparently), but it's here now. Thank you all for waiting. I did just get a new job, so the gaps between updates will be longer for this one than The Sanders Archives, but I do have the story beats and individual arcs planned out.
> 
> Please note: I'm drawing a little more inspiration this time around from a different podcast, The Bright Sessions, and much like the episodes of that podcast, this fic will involve time skips during therapy session recordings, denoted by a short line of em-dashes (these things: "-----"). This does not mean that I've left the world of The Magnus Archives behind, however--far from it, in fact, as you can see from the tags. But we'll get to that in later chapters ;)
> 
> As always, feel free to send questions or comments to thesandersarchives.tumblr.com, where you can also find supplementary short fics about what's happened in-between these two stories, and some side (hah) interactions that I couldn't fit into the first story!

[Recording begins]

PICANI: I like the haircut, Remus!

REMUS: Thanks, yeah, it was getting too long. I kept feeling--y'know, when it was down, it kept brushing my neck and shoulders, it was bad. And I was getting sick of tying it up.

PICANI: Ah. Well, I'm glad that you recognized the sensory issue and took steps to remedy it.

REMUS: Me too. It's kinda weird, though. Taking some getting used to.

PICANI: Oh?

REMUS: Yeah, I haven't had hair like this since high school. Mom and Dad never let us grow our hair out or dye it or anything like that. So the first thing I did once I left for university was get my new roommate to help give me a neon green dye job. [he laughs] It looked like I'd cracked open a glowstick and dumped it over my head. Hey, what's in glowsticks, anyways?

PICANI: I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's toxic.

REMUS: Oh, probably. Not a good idea to test if it'd dye my hair, then.

PICANI: ...Probably not!

[beat]

PICANI: How did Patton receive the new look?

REMUS: I think he misses being able to play with my hair, but he's not complaining about it. Pretty sure he's liking the new texture by now, if the fact that he ruffles my hair a lot is any indication. [he laughs]

PICANI: Oh, that's sweet. And you two are settling into the new house by now, right? I know at our previous session you were just about to move.

REMUS: Yep, we're still not fully unpacked, obviously, it's only been a week, but we have the important stuff set up. 

PICANI: Has it been much of an adjustment, for you? Just the two of you living together, as opposed to staying with Thomas and the others, I mean.

REMUS: It's... It's nice to have our own space and all, it's just that sometimes the house is really quiet, when Patton's at work, but sometimes it feels good that it's quiet. Other times I just wanna drown out my thoughts but I can't always bring myself to put on music, so I just turn the TV up to full volume or run the dishwasher even if it doesn't need it, or I vacuum the whole house...

But when Patton's home, it's always so much better than... well, literally any other living situation I've ever had. Thomas' place was nice, don't get me wrong, but like I told you last time--even with how big that house is, sharing a living space with my brother and my ex _and_ my new boyfriend all at the same time was the exact opposite of my fantasy foursome, except for the fact that Patton was there. Sure, I've got a way less antagonistic relationship with Roman and Virgil now, but that doesn't mean I wanna see them all the time, y'know?

PICANI: I'm glad that you have more privacy now, I know that was one of your goals in moving. So what I'm hearing, aside from that, is that Patton's presence is calming for you, but when he's at work, you don't always know how to fill the time.

REMUS: Took the words right outta my larynx, doc.

PICANI: What do you do on a typical day, now that you're in the new house?

REMUS: Work on the place, for the most part. Unpacking, cleaning, whatever chores need doing. I take care of the garden, I cook--turns out Patton's hopeless when there's no dough involved in a recipe, it's adorable--and I watch TV. 

PICANI: Okay. And do you enjoy that routine?

REMUS: ...Not really. It's getting pretty boring. But it's better than lying in bed wanting to pull my brain out through my nostrils like an ancient Egyptian mummy. I do like the gardening and the cooking, most of the time, but it doesn't feel like that's enough, anymore. I know I probably need to get out of the house once in a while, but I don't know where I'd go, except back to Thomas' place to hang out with Roman, and I am absolutely not doing that every day. Once a week, max.

PICANI: I think going on an outing once a week would be a great goal to set. And it doesn't have to be visiting Roman every time, either, if that doesn't appeal. The way I see it, you've got a couple options. You could take up a new hobby or two, find a class to take, find a job of some kind, or... Well, how have things progressed on the music front since our first session?

[beat]

PICANI: ...Ah.

REMUS: I _want_ to play again, and I'm _trying_ , I just... It doesn't work.

PICANI: Take me through what happens when you try.

REMUS: I go to pull out the case, and I start to feel sick. I open the case, I can feel my heart rate pick up. I reach for the violin, and my hands are already shaking, because of course they are. Fuck. I try to play a note but the bow slips because my hands are shaking and it makes a sound like a cat dying and I have to set everything down and do my breathing exercises only it's too late by then, I'm already in the panic attack, and I can still see the violin and that makes it worse because I know that after I've stopped _shaking so damn much_ I have to put everything away again--

PICANI: Deep breaths, Remus. Use one of the exercises I taught you, if you need to.

REMUS: I'm... I'm okay. 

PICANI: It's okay if you're not, you know.

REMUS: No, no, I'm fine. Really. I'm just really fucking frustrated.

PICANI: I can understand why. What if you work towards playing a little more slowly?

REMUS: ...How do you mean?

PICANI: Well, let's look at it this way. You've already broken the process down into steps just now. What if you work your way up to playing? Every day--or every other day, or just once a week, whatever pace you need to set for yourself just as long as you keep at it--you pull out the case. You don't have to open it, you don't have to touch the violin at all. The one thing you have to do is pull the case out from where you have it stored, and look at it for a moment, then put it back.

When you've gotten more comfortable with that, then you can open the case for a little while, too, before you put it back. And so on and so forth.

REMUS: What if it doesn't work?

PICANI: At least you can say that you tried.

REMUS: It's gonna take for-fucking- _ever_.

PICANI: I know it's frustrating, and I know it's difficult, but it's important to take things slow, and to have patience with yourself, especially for the things that are out of your control. You can't rush the healing process.

REMUS: I'm not broken.

PICANI: But you are hurting. 

[beat]

REMUS: ...I miss them, sometimes. I shouldn't, but I do.

PICANI: It's natural to grieve for a relationship that's ended, even a toxic one. It may be uncomfortable, but dismissing how you feel--

REMUS: Yeah, yeah, I know, repression's bad. Patton talks about his sessions with me sometimes.

PICANI: Oh, I'm glad. I think it's a good sign that he feels like he can trust you with that information. And I think there are a lot of ways that you can help each other. It could be beneficial to you both to do a joint session sometime, if that's something you're comfortable with.

REMUS: I... I mean, I can't speak for Pat, but--maybe?

PICANI: Of course, you should discuss it with Patton first. If it helps, I can bring it up with him during his next session, I know it's coming up soon.

REMUS: Yeah, I could wait until Friday.

PICANI: Okay. Is there anything that you wanted to talk about this session that we haven't yet discussed?

[beat]

PICANI: It's okay if there's nothing. There's no wrong answer.

REMUS: I'm not talking about family shit.

PICANI: You don't have to. I do think it would help, to air it out. But perhaps that's best saved for another time. Has Roman reached out to you about--

REMUS: Yeah, he asked me about doing a session together. He'd jump off a bridge if you told him to, though, so I don't know that he's entirely thought it through.

PICANI: Do you know why you want to avoid discussing your childhood and your parents?

REMUS: Actually, I do... I don't wanna make Roman feel guilty. We've already hurt each other enough. He doesn't need to relive all the shit he put me through, following their lead, and I don't need to talk about it with him any more than I already have.

PICANI: That's a good point, but perhaps you need to hear it from his perspective. Or rather, perhaps he needs to talk about it with you a little more.

REMUS: ...Huh.

[beat]

REMUS: I'll think about it. Don't hold your breath, or you'll suffocate, and I'll have a hell of a time finding a new therapist.

PICANI: Thank you for considering it. Speaking of breathing, actually, how are those exercises working for you? I know you said earlier that they don't seem to pull you out of panic attacks after a certain point, but--

REMUS: --When I can catch it in time, the breathing thing works fine.

PICANI: Good. I do have a couple other exercises you can try...

\--------------------------------------

PICANI: ...Okay. That's just about all the time we have today. While I've got you for a few more minutes, let's review your 'homework'.

REMUS: See, when you call it homework, that makes me really not want to do it.

PICANI: Sorry, I'll see if I can think of a more appropriate term for next time... How about 'to-do list'?

REMUS: Ehh. Little better. We'll workshop it.

PICANI: Sounds like a plan. So, what's on the list?

REMUS: Talk to Patton about doing a session together, think about doing one with Roman, practice the countdown exercise so that I can do it on my own if I don't have anyone around during an attack.

PICANI: ...And?

REMUS: Ugh, _fine_. I'll do the violin thing.

PICANI: For this week, all you have to do is just bring the case out from where you store it for however long you feel comfortable. Once per day. If you feel up to moving to the next step before the end of the week, go ahead, but don't force it. If you need to stay on step one for now, stay on step one. All right?

REMUS: Yeah, I got it.

PICANI: Keep a log, if you'd like. Note how long you had the case out for, and how you felt while it was out. I think it'd be a great way to track how it's going, keep you feeling accountable, and it gives you one more thing to help occupy your time during the day.

REMUS: Now it _really_ feels like homework.

PICANI: You don't have to do it--and if you do, you certainly don't have to turn it in to me, there are no grades in therapy--but I hope you'll give it a try.

REMUS: ...I'll try anything once. I mean, that's how I ended up here, right?

PICANI: I suppose it is. Good luck, Remus. I'll see you in a week.

[Footsteps. A door opens, then closes again.]

[beat]

PICANI: ...Initial thoughts following this session--Remus looks healthier, physically, which is a relief. He's obviously eating better and getting more sleep. The tremors are... still very noticeable, when he's holding still. Note to self, buy more Thinking Putty and other stim toys before Remus' next session. Having something to do with his hands while he talks might be helpful, and if it is, that's something he can take home with him.

He's starting to open up a bit more. Starting to accept that needing help is not a character flaw. It's hard to see the progress you make from the inside, from just your own perspective. I hope keeping a log of his interactions with the violin will help to show him that progress. Roman said he always thought of Remus as the more confident one, of the two of them... But clearly he's just been good at hiding his insecurities.

They would really benefit from a session together, both of them--I'm a little concerned that I pushed the issue today, though, especially since I did it right after bringing up Patton. I advised Remus to have patience, but I need to take my own advice, don't I? Patience. Mine is spread a little thin, these days... Remy says I've been working too hard. He's not wrong, but... That's not the problem, either. Just another symptom.

The _problem_ is...

[beat]

Well. My personal issues aren't relevant to Remus' sessions, are they? I'm just rambling. Wrap it up, Picani, wrap it up.

[Recording ends]


	2. Patient File VS6-6613, Session 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has a revelation. Percy has a surprise.

[Recording begins]

PICANI: So--

VIRGIL: I, um. I wanna talk about Remus.

PICANI: Oh? What's going on between you two?

VIRGIL: ...I mean about our relationship. Before.

PICANI: Ah, I see. I know you established in our last session that it wasn't good for you, towards the end. Do you have a sense of what changed?

VIRGIL: Yeah, I'm starting to figure it out, I think. It was like, the longer it went on, the more serious it felt, and the more anxious I got.

PICANI: And the 'fight-or-flight' instincts kicked in pretty hard, I'm guessing.

VIRGIL: Yeah. But I couldn't just break it off, and I didn't... I didn't fully want to, so. I just went to 'fight mode', I guess.

PICANI: That makes sense. Nicely reasoned. Do you know what was preventing you from breaking things off with him?

VIRGIL: I dunno. Part of it was definitely just that I didn't want to have that awkward conversation with him, and part of it was that I didn't want to have to find somewhere else to live. Fuck, that sounds awful when I say it out loud.

PICANI: ...At the risk of putting words in your mouth, let's reframe that. Would it be fair to say instead that, one, the idea of making such a big change was frightening; and two, you didn't want to have that discussion with him because you didn't want to upset him?

VIRGIL: I... Yeah. I didn't want to hurt either of us. Obviously, I ended up making everything worse, but... I dunno, I guess I thought if I just tried to hang in there it'd get better, and nothing big would have to change. And then the worms showed up, and I realized that wasn't gonna happen. Once again, my anxiety fucked things up for everyone involved.

PICANI: Don't make me get the Nerf gun, Virgil.

VIRGIL: Yeah, yeah. Be less negative, I got it.

PICANI: Don't be so hard on yourself. It's a tough habit to break, believe me, I know, but such a high degree of self-deprecation is not a healthy coping mechanism.

VIRGIL: I'm getting there, really. Roman and Thomas are helping a lot with that. But recovery's not a linear process, right?

PICANI: Exactly. You've picked up the lingo pretty quickly!

[Virgil chuckles]

VIRGIL: Roman talks a lot about his sessions. He's, uh, he's really enthusiastic about all the stuff he's learning from you.

PICANI: Oh, I'm glad to hear that! And it's good to hear that you have both Thomas and Roman supporting you, I imagine having them within arm's reach is a helpful thing.

VIRGIL: It can be. I mean, we can all hold each other accountable, you know? Roman drags Thomas to come hang out with us when he's spent too long on his own, and Thomas helps me calm down, and I pelt Roman with paper airplanes when he starts to talk bad about himself.

PICANI: Ah, yes. The Nerf gun strategy. I'm both glad and concerned that it's made such an impression on you.

VIRGIL: Well, folding paper helps with my... everything. Apparently. Roman said something about art as therapy, he said I should be making origami, but I dunno. Airplanes are easier.

PICANI: Oh! Do you know how to make stars?

VIRGIL: Uh, I used to, yeah.

PICANI: That could be an excellent tool for you as well. I know you said that keeping a journal felt silly, but you wanted something to keep track of reality and help prevent yourself from focusing on negative aspects of your daily life. So, what about paper stars? Use them to catalogue every positive experience or emotion in the day, no matter how small. Write what it was, fold it into a star, and put it in some kind of large container. Then you have them to read later and remember, and having that focus on making the star can also help you recollect the experience more clearly.

VIRGIL: That's... not the worst idea.

PICANI: It wouldn't hurt to try, at least. You don't have to keep at it if it doesn't feel right.

VIRGIL: Yeah. Okay.

[beat]

PICANI: Ah, we got off track there a bit, didn't we? Would you like to continue telling me about Remus, or would you like to move on?

VIRGIL: Right, right. I, um. Well, okay, so it's not exactly about Remus, but, like, I wanna keep talking about relationship stuff.

PICANI: All right.

VIRGIL: So... I don't know exactly how to say it, but... I realized recently that my feelings about romance and relationships might not just be a personal preference kind of thing.

PICANI: Oh? What led you to that?

VIRGIL: I was at the mall with Thomas and Roman, and they spotted this cute guy, and Roman kept saying it was obvious he was into Thomas, and that Thomas was into him, and Thomas--well, you'll probably hear all about it at your session with him, so long story short, they ended up talking and Thomas got his number. And the whole drive home Thomas and Roman kept talking about dates and stuff, and it just sort of hit me that I didn't get it. But Thomas did. Thomas. Who was literally trained from birth to not form personal attachments. So there's something going on with me that's... different.

PICANI: ...Virgil, do you know what 'aromantic' means?

VIRGIL: Uh...

PICANI: It's all right if you don't.

VIRGIL: I don't.

PICANI: Okay, well, I've got some reading material here that I think will help explain...

* * *

VIRGIL: So this is a thing for other people, too.

PICANI: It sure is! Oh, here--this is the website for a local social group, everyone there is on the asexual or aromantic spectrum, they meet twice a month. You don't have to go, of course, but I think it could be a really valuable experience for you. 

VIRGIL: Not sure I'm ready to meet new people yet...

PICANI: Well, this group isn't going anywhere, so there's no rush. You move at your pace, and if or when you decide you want to give it a try, it'll still be there.

VIRGIL: I can deal with that, I think. Okay. Uh, thanks... I can keep these pamphlets and stuff, right?

PICANI: Absolutely, Virgil. Take care.

VIRGIL: You too, Dr. P.

[Footsteps, the door opens and closes]

PICANI: So, now it looks like part of what Virgil's been dealing with is internalized arophobia--he just didn't have the language or the awareness to express that before. I hope knowing that he's not alone in his experiences will help him get some confidence. I mean, even leaving my office just now, it looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

I expect he'll broach the subject of coming out to his friends in a future session, but it's hard to say how soon--or not--that conversation might happen. I really hope that not being out won't prevent him from attending a meeting or two, the group I referred him to would be so helpful for--

[the door opens]

PICANI: Oh! Sorry, Percy. Must've lost track of time.

PERCY: It's fine, Doc. I, um. Did I see Logan's friend leaving earlier? The Distortion?

PICANI: I can't disclose patient information, Percy, you know that. Besides which, that title is... obsolete, I guess is the best way to describe it.

PERCY: Not entirely. It clings, you know. Lingers. For all of them.

PICANI: How--?

PERCY: I can sense it. Got a good nose for these things after working for the Archives, you know?

PICANI: ...Oh. Does it bother you?

PERCY: What? No. No, gosh, it would bother me _not_ to know where the monsters are. I mean, Hester's haunted enough already. I can't let them get targeted by anything else.

PICANI: It's natural to want to protect your friend. But you also have to be aware that... For one thing, Hester's an adult, capable of making their own choices, and--

PERCY: Hester needs my help.

PICANI: Did they ask for it?

[beat]

PERCY: ...They wanted it before. I don't... They're being weird, and I'm worried.

PICANI: Weird how?

PERCY: I don't know how to describe it, but something's off. I think they're hiding something from me, and I think it's something big.

PICANI: Well, the best thing you can do, I think, is to let them come to you when they're ready. Be clear that you're there for them, and that you want to help. Communication goes both ways, so make sure the channel's open for them.

PERCY: They're barely talking to me, they only reach out when they're really anxious and Claire isn't around to talk them down from freaking out. It's... I thought we were close. All this supernatural stuff brought us together, and now I think that's what's driving us apart.

PICANI: ...I hope this isn't a sensitive question, but were you two... together?

PERCY: Sort of? I mean, we kind of left it as this unspoken thing, but... They've slept over at my place, in my bed, with me. Several times. We didn't need to qualify it, you know? We were just... a thing. Are. We are a thing, still. I think.

PICANI: It sounds like you need to have a conversation with Hester about what your relationship with them means to you.

PERCY: Yeah. I just... I'm... I know I push people's buttons. I push people away, I push people along the path that I want to go down, I just--I push. If I press Hester, I think they might break.

PICANI: Then perhaps the level of distance you have in your relationship right now is what's safest for the both of you. How long have they been distant?

PERCY: Since... Huh. Since they started seeing _you_.

PICANI: ...Oh. I, um. I'm sorry, Percy. I don't--

PERCY: No, it's not your fault. I know you're just trying to help.

[beat]

PERCY: Your husband's back, isn't he?

PICANI: I--yes, but what does that have to do with--

PERCY: Sunglasses, leather jacket, on the skinny side?

PICANI: I've tried to ask him not to hang around the office--

PERCY: He was there when Hester came out of their first appointment. I saw him _look_ at them.

PICANI: Let's not jump to conclusions, Percy...

PERCY: Do you even know what he does? What he's capable of?

PICANI: ...I'm starting to understand. But he's agreed not to... _bother_ my patients.

PERCY: Got that in writing, did you?

[beat]

PERCY: Doc, do yourself a favor and stop recording. I don't think you want the rest of this conversation on file.

PICANI: ...No. No, perhaps I don't.

[Recording ends]


End file.
